How To Win An Oscar…
 |
Have you always dreamt of taking the stage at the Academy Awards in LA, clutching that bald golden statuette and starting to weep while thanking everyone you’ve ever met? Then you need James White’s ultimate 10-step guide, which has been carefully researched to guarantee* you’ll end up gushing until you get played off by the orchestra…
 |
1 Hire Meryl Streep
Or Morgan Freeman and Dustin Hoffman, since they’ve all appeared in three or more Best Picture winners. Oh, and every film that John Cazale starred in was nominated for the award. You could hire him, but you’ll need a medium for the negotiations – he died in 1978.
Or Morgan Freeman and Dustin Hoffman, since they’ve all appeared in three or more Best Picture winners. Oh, and every film that John Cazale starred in was nominated for the award. You could hire him, but you’ll need a medium for the negotiations – he died in 1978.
2 Make A War Film
War! What is it good for? Er, winning Oscars, actually. From the lauded likes of Patton and All Quiet On The Western Front (Best Picture grabbers) to Saving Private Ryan, which nabbed a directing gong for Steven Spielberg, battle is good for awards business. Gather your troops and conquer that stage!
War! What is it good for? Er, winning Oscars, actually. From the lauded likes of Patton and All Quiet On The Western Front (Best Picture grabbers) to Saving Private Ryan, which nabbed a directing gong for Steven Spielberg, battle is good for awards business. Gather your troops and conquer that stage!
3 Portray A Cinematic Disability
It sounds like an easy grab, but you’ll have to throw yourself into the part, Daniel Day-Lewis style. Still, look at the evidence: My Left Foot (cerebral palsy), A Beautiful Mind (schizophrenia), Children Of A Lesser God (deafness): all winners for picture or actors.
It sounds like an easy grab, but you’ll have to throw yourself into the part, Daniel Day-Lewis style. Still, look at the evidence: My Left Foot (cerebral palsy), A Beautiful Mind (schizophrenia), Children Of A Lesser God (deafness): all winners for picture or actors.
4 All You Need Is Lurve
Ah, love stories. They may occasionally make you puke into your popcorn, but they can touch the heart of the grumpiest Academy voter. Shakespeare In Love. Out Of Africa. Annie Hall. Kramer Vs… Er, call it the anti-love story?
Ah, love stories. They may occasionally make you puke into your popcorn, but they can touch the heart of the grumpiest Academy voter. Shakespeare In Love. Out Of Africa. Annie Hall. Kramer Vs… Er, call it the anti-love story?
 |
5 Fancy costumes.
We mentioned epics, but not everyone can get Best Picture or scoop the acting awards. Aim to stitch the togs on something historical or challenging –A Room With A View won, as did The Last Emperor.
We mentioned epics, but not everyone can get Best Picture or scoop the acting awards. Aim to stitch the togs on something historical or challenging –A Room With A View won, as did The Last Emperor.
6 Epics do well.
Titanic, The English Patient and even Forrest Gump are examples of big-canvas films that have waltzed home with the top honours, even if many people consider them to be pure pants. The exception? Fantasy. Unless your name happens to be Peter Jackson, that is...
Titanic, The English Patient and even Forrest Gump are examples of big-canvas films that have waltzed home with the top honours, even if many people consider them to be pure pants. The exception? Fantasy. Unless your name happens to be Peter Jackson, that is...
7 Get Real.
History, whether recent or long past is a real favourite with the Academy. Play someone with an interesting true story – even if you have to fiddle with the facts – and bingo! Walk The Line? Check. Raging Bull? Hurrah! Gandhi? Ding! Man On The Moon? Well… it’s not foolproof.
History, whether recent or long past is a real favourite with the Academy. Play someone with an interesting true story – even if you have to fiddle with the facts – and bingo! Walk The Line? Check. Raging Bull? Hurrah! Gandhi? Ding! Man On The Moon? Well… it’s not foolproof.
 |
8 Become Katharine Hepburn.
With four statuettes, Kate is Oscar’s most awarded performer, notching up wins for On Golden Pond, The Lion In Winter, Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner and Morning Glory. So develop acting ability like hers and you’re sorted.
With four statuettes, Kate is Oscar’s most awarded performer, notching up wins for On Golden Pond, The Lion In Winter, Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner and Morning Glory. So develop acting ability like hers and you’re sorted.
9 Be A Cute Child.
If this year’s nominee Abigail Breslin (10) is any indicator, being precociously talented at a tender age works wonders for the Academy’s softhearted voters. Then there’s youngest winner Tatum O’Neal, who scooped the top prize at 11. Invent that time machine now!
If this year’s nominee Abigail Breslin (10) is any indicator, being precociously talented at a tender age works wonders for the Academy’s softhearted voters. Then there’s youngest winner Tatum O’Neal, who scooped the top prize at 11. Invent that time machine now!
*Not a guarantee.
By James White
advertisement
entertainment_celebrity_default
This video requires the Adobe® Flash® Player. Download a free version of the player.